I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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