I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
