Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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