Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
