We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
