My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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