READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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