I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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