If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
