Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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