Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize