Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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