Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
