ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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