did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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