oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
