I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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