So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
