Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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