wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
