he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
