My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
