arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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