I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
