Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
