Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So vagazzling was a success
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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