I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
