thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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