if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
