walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
