I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
