Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
