I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
