I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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