the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
