writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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