sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
