he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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