So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
