Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
