my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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