if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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