I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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