Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
