At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This is classic penis vs brain.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
