White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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