I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
