I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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