yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You took a bar mat shot.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
