I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
