Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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