Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
