My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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