dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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