I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i've created a new STD.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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