piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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