I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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