i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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