shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
