i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
