fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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