You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish you could order shots online.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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