eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
