I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
