I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize