why do cheetos always look like penises
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize