So drunk its hurt
high people should be assigned attendants
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
