I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
