It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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